Health, Wealth, and Trauma Coach
This is my story, a defining moment, resulting with a “compelling story”, that brought me to where I am today
– guiding people like you on exactly what to do to Reboot Health, Wealth, and Positivity back into their lives.
Sometimes life delivers you defining moments; the choice is yours as to what to do with them!
When a baby is learning to walk, and takes a tumble its cute, people applaud or coo. As an adult, however, everything is taken so seriously. One knock down can take you out of the game completely, ultimately affecting your confidence and self-esteem. I’m turning 50 this year and spent much of my life compensating or hiding – not shining! It took me a long time for me to honor my traumas, patterns, and needs. Looking into the rearview mirror of my life, I can see how I got here. As a child, I observed and therefore absorbed some very unhealthy “self-medicating” behaviors. These behaviors were my “normal”, my familiar. I knew what to expect and how to negotiate my way thru them and any situation. By the age of 7 – not only was I an adult – but I was a PRO at navigating my way thru this fucked up journey that was my life.
Maybe this started with my grandfather and namesake, Ambrose. His strict, old-world ways led him to mistreat many, many women – including me. Inevitably, I believe his lack of self-love caused a cycle of pain, secrets, and destruction that followed him throughout his life.
Maybe my doubt started with my mom. She was way before her time, and lived in her own spotlight. In Short, looking back – she was pretty cool. But her heart of gold wasn’t enough to keep her from drinking. Her behavior was unpredictable at best, but I normalized it. For instance, when she showed up, drunk at my grammar school in her underwear I compensated by trying to convince teachers/administrators this was acceptable and normal. “She’s just in her Bikini” I would tell them. We watched her deteriorate before our eyes. Unfortunately, I couldn’t take it anymore and distanced myself from her. I know now that she was constantly masking her unhappiness with one bad habit after another. Ultimately, her body shut down and a massive heart attack took her life at the tender age of 53.
Maybe I learned some of it by watching my oldest brother, Kim. He was a bit of a lost-soul, just like our mom. He was so much like her, with a HUGE capacity for love. The energy he possessed in life was just enough to get him through. He aspired for a lot, but didn’t have the stamina to follow through. His lifestyle was always unhealthy, even as a kid. He got into trouble with drugs as a kid and was always needing to be picked up and/or nursed back to health. He grew into a vagabond of sorts, had a place to sleep but never really having a home. Although he valued family and love, he chose the company of questionable people over something more stable. When I was 18, he took me to a strip club to meet his girlfriend(s) of the moment. This was typical behavior for Kim, so again I normalized things until I ultimately cut things off between us. Just like our mom, a massive heart attack took his life at the tender age of 52.
Three years after my mom died, I found myself at a psychic. My mom came through almost immediately with the affirmation of what I buried her in and other details no one else could have known. I knew she was really there. More importantly, she told me I was loved. This solidified our relationship, put us back together as mother and daughter and began a true healing process. This also kicked off a new emotion and experience in me – self-love(it’s a process!) My whole vibration changed. With every new thought; “there’s nothing wrong with you” “you are loved” it’s not your fault” and “you are beautiful”, I became stronger.
And, I was not without my own bad behaviors, my own “self-medicating”. For me, it was a pattern of relationships with the wrong men – which also tended to appear in friendships as well. The common denominator in these relationships was unavailability. This was a pattern carried over from childhood – unavailable with their love, time, support – unavailable to SHOW UP for me. After a stint at an all-girls college 5 streets away from my house as I was not allowed to go far away to school in case something happened to the family – when in reality I needed to get the fuck out of there! I started working in the restaurant business in order to support myself. I soon met a boyfriend and ultimately, we moved in together. I later found out that he was an addict, but he was my new normal and I could fix that – right? I left him eventually, and worked hard to get my life back on track. I enrolled in a new College and began to pursue my dream of working for the FBI. I was elected President of the Accounting Society, I was blessed with Scholarships and other opportunities. But my partner at the time didn’t support my dreams. He loved to tell me what I couldn’t do. And I listened, because that was my familiar. Finally, I met my next partner – or should I say lesson! Yet another Restaurant Ego with his own addictions and demons. Our on/off 17.5 year relationship was yet another giant message from the Universe. Dysfunction, Dysfunction, Dysfunction – Danger Will Robinson – Danger!!!! After the same shit kept showing up My heart kept trying to tell me the story that he was ‘the one’ but it didn’t allow the question “what if he’s the wrong one?”
My history of working in and owning restaurants eventually led me in a new direction – opening a Catering Company and Retail Bakery. After a while it was a very lonely, isolated time in my life. I was vibrating on the bottom level – not surprising that you attract the bottom feeders. Enter stage left – ex-boyfriend of 17.5 years – AGAIN! I was not in love with or attracted to him but I needed help and out of fear – there he was. Then the bottom of the economy fell out in 2009, I lost everything. Meanwhile, my partner’s addiction escalated in new and violent ways. Our relationship ended with a restraining order. I had no idea that things had fallen so far. I was living a life in which I became unrecognizable to myself. Friends had fallen away, I was living a life of despair and lack – afraid and ashamed to see and be seen. I could not get out of my own way! This stress took its toll on my body.
I developed a rash that lasted 6 months. Do you ever wonder how often when you go to the Doctor or Hospital you leave bewildered – not knowing what just happened and without any definitive answers? How could it be that a well trained and educated Doctor didn’t know? No doctor could definitively tell me what it was. I was on a constant round of one antibiotic after another. It wrecked my health and hormones even more. But then I came across an amazing Practitioner that got me back on track, and in an all-natural manner. She explained to me that my Doctors had never treated the underlying issues plaguing my health, they had merely been treating the symptoms. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Through this experience I became a Certified Integrative Nutrition Health Coach.
I have since made a commitment to dedicate the rest of my professional life to helping clients harness positive relationships with themselves and their bodies. Once an individual is able to heal themselves from internalized experiences, they can then reach OUTSIDE of themselves to help others and reconnect with their lives and businesses and begin to truly live again.